32 Weeks

Eight weeks to go — which, if you know anything about birthing babies, could be as soon as five or as long as 10. I’m hoping it’s not the latter, but given my history of late babies and my aversion to induction for non-medical reasons, I could very well be pregnant at the end of February. Yikes! I’m still going to the gym, but my quantity and intensity has really gone down. Plus, I’ve had two bouts of bronchitis over the last three months, so I’ve missed almost a month of workouts from that.

I switched doctors a couple of weeks ago and was given the typical stack of papers explaining what I can and can’t do, medicines not to take, food not to eat, etc. There was also a sheet about staying physically active during pregnancy. Yay, I thought. Then, I actually read it. They encourage walking for 30 mins 3-4 times a week. Ok, yes, walking is good exercise. I’ll agree with that. No biking, skating, skiing, rock-climbing, etc. Um, ok. Yes, I don’t think someone who is 9 months pregnant wants to be balancing on inline skates, and obviously sedentary women probably shouldn’t pick up rock-climbing as a hobby. I’m not biking right now because my stomach gets in the way, but I imagine that most healthy, fit women wouldn’t have an issue.

No weight lifting. Do not lift anything more than 10 pounds.
…

Really?

Again, someone who has never lifted a weight before probably doesn’t want to pick up a barbell and rack up 80 lbs and start benching, but no weight lifting at all? I think weight lifting is an excellent workout for pregnant women, even if they are beginners. Of course, as you get bigger you have to make modifications, but what’s with this nothing heavier than 1o lbs thing? Sorry, ladies. Don’t pick up that crying toddler of yours. Let your husbands carry in the groceries. Be careful lifting that gallon of milk — it’s eight pounds!

Weight lifting really has gotten me through this pregnancy. I define myself as a runner, but between the pressure on my bladder and the pain in my pelvis, I haven’t run since October. Honestly, I haven’t really run since I got pregnant because I was just so danged tired during the first few months. It’s amazing how quickly your cardiovascular endurance goes out the window when you aren’t using it. Anyways, weight lifting is great. You get to sit down and resting is encouraged! I haven’t been taking bodyfat measurements, but I’m sure that I would have lost a lot more muscle tone that I have had I just been doing cardio. Recently, I’ve had to lighten the load, but I’m still lifting a lot more than 10 lbs.

Maybe in the next month or two, I’ll be confined to the cardio room walking, REALLY REALLY SLOWLY on the treadmill (the retired chief with an amputated leg walks faster than me), but for the time being, I’ll be trying to maintain what fitness I can.

Now Why Did I Go and Do That?

Four days of good eating. Not perfect eating. Not even great eating. But definitely good eating.

Then I had McDonalds.

The husband came home today and wanted to go to Applebee’s since they were having free entrees for veterans and active duty. I’m not a huge Applebee’s fan. If I’m going to eat out, I want to go to a restaurant I enjoy and not just use my calories because it’s cheap. After about half an hour of going back and forth, we decided not to go. Instead, we got McDonalds. So much for the not using my calories because it’s cheap.

I feel like crap, and it’s not because I feel guilty for eating fast food. Rather, I feel bloated and tired. It didn’t even taste good. Nine hundred calories and practically no nutrition.

I need to keep fast and healthy food in the kitchen so we can avoid the temptation of the base McDonalds.

Yikes, How Long Has It Been?

It’s been almost 3 weeks since I’ve posted. Actually, let’s be honest… it’s been almost three weeks since I’ve taken any sort of active interest in my health and weight.

First of all, the bedrest. I had my appointment on Thursday and I’m no longer confined to my house. In fact, the doctor I had this time told me I should never have been on bedrest anyways. I guess that’s what happens when you go to a practice with more than one doctor. So, um, yay! (And what the hell have I been doing laying on the couch for three weeks?)

In addition to the bedrest, I had a terrible cold that turned into bronchitis. Of course it was viral, and there was nothing they could do for it other than the typical rest and fluids. I finally kicked it and felt great for a few days, but then on Friday, just as I was clear to go back to the gym, Jason so lovingly gave me ANOTHER cold. Yes, I know you can work out with a cold, but my energy was zapped. It’s also hard to do cardio when you can’t breathe and I don’t want to be that person at the gym coughing all over everything. I was all set to go to the gym this morning, but now Kaelin is home sick and the gym is eluding me again.

I don’t know if it was the bedrest, the cold or just Halloween, but I’ve been eating like crap. I didn’t keep a food journal most of the time and when I did, I was averaging like 4000 calories – most of it junk. Did I mention that the commissary is already stocking Christmas candy?

But it’s ok… I have a plan!

1. Get back to tracking. Whether I like to write down the can of Pringles or bag of candy I inhaled, my body know I what I ate.

2. Drink, drink, and drink! I’ve been slacking in the water department when I need it the most. Between being sick and going into the third trimester, I have to make sure I’m getting at LEAST 8 cups of fluids.

3. No more diet soda. Before I got pregnant, I rarely had any sort of diet drink, but a few months ago I started having headaches and the doctor recommended adding a cup of coffee or soda into my diet. Since I don’t drink coffee, I started having a daily Red Bull (sugar-free). Of course, that daily Red Bull turned into two Red Bulls and a Diet Coke. Diet soda is bad. It has no nutritional value, it leaches calcium from your body, and it makes you crave sweets.

4. Limit my fast food. I’ve been eating out way too much and not only is it affecting my health, it’s hurting my wallet. Jason and I have decide to limit ourselves to twice a week.

Bedrest

Four days and no gym.

I love the gym.

Ok, well, I love the gym when people aren’t commenting on how much weight I’ve gained or how I shouldn’t be doing certain things in my “condition.”

For those of us who have spent years or even decades watching the number on the scale or fixating on our pant size, pregnancy can make you feel lost and out of control. Yes, yes, we all know that you have to get bigger and that the end product makes the torture of getting dressed a little easier, but it’s still hard to look in the mirror everyday and know that what you’ve spent the past year working towards is slowly unraveling.

I’m a runner. It took me a long time to be able to say that. Sure, I’ve been running since high school, but it was only last year that I decided I was going to be a “runner.” I ran my first half-marathon one week before I got married and two weeks before we conceived. I tried to keep running through the first trimester, but between fatigue and nausea, it didn’t work out so well. I didn’t make it back to the gym until August and by then, I had lost a lot of stamina. Running was no longer fun and even bordered on painful. I have bad knees anyways, and you can’t take most supplements while pregnant. Plus, pregnancy relaxes your joints — all of them, even your toes. Yeah, it helps when the baby is trying to push his big head out of your tiny pelvis, but it really sucks if you try to run more than a few feet.

It’s also really hard to run when you have to pee every three minutes.

So, my running has gone the way of my size 4 jeans.

I still run on occasion, but it’s usually only a few minutes along with a lot of walking. I’ve also slowed way down. I had imagined myself being one of those amazing pregnant women who ran up until the day they went into labor. You know, the ones who only gain weight in their stomach and maintain perfectly sculpted muscles everywhere else while wearing the most adorable maternity running clothes. (Ok, so I’m not sure where these muscles were going to come from on me, but shut up… it’s my fantasy.)

Yeah, that didn’t happen. I’m pretty sure that when I do run, it’s pretty unflattering. I have a Kim Kardashian butt when I’m not gestating, and I think it’s gotten even bigger. I’m not sure since I can’t bend back far enough to look. Plus, I had a hard time keeping the girls in check before and now with an extra cup size or two, not even the best sports bra can hold them down. Thank God there aren’t mirrors in the cardio room.

Did I mention that I was supposed to be running the Marine Corps Marathon Saturday?

At this point, you might be asking, “Well, if you can’t run, why do you love the gym so much?” And I would respond, “Well, if you are only doing cardio at the gym, you are missing out.”

I <3 weight lifting.

I started weight lifting after I had my first daughter, and I love it. Nothing changes your body like lifting heavy weights repeatedly. I am sure that if I was consistent in my workouts (ie, stopped taking six month long workout breaks every seven months), I would be in fitness model land. That is, if fitness models had stretch marks and cellulite. Weight lifting is also the perfect exercise for pregnant women. You even get to sit down most of the time! I’ve been lifting again for 2 months now (after a three month break, aka the trimester of doom) and I really look forward to it. Sometimes I feel awkward because I go to a military gym and about 99% of the other lifters are men. Very big, muscley, strong men. With lots of tattoos. But now, they accept me with a nod and we all go back to our own business. Plus, I keep a workout log (if you don’t have one, you should start one… trust me) and it’s great to look back to August and see that I’m pressing double the weight that I was then and that I’m benching twenty more pounds. In a time of chaos and hormones, it’s nice to know that my body isn’t losing everything I have been working towards, at least yet.

It’s hard for women to build muscle. We just don’t have the testosterone levels that men do and testosterone is what builds muscle. Pregnant women have even smaller amounts of testosterone than their non-gestating counterparts. So, it’s really, really hard for pregnant women to build muscle. Hell, it’s hard for us just to maintain our muscle mass so the gains in strength that I’m seeing make me pretty happy. I’m anticipating losing some muscle when I have the baby and can’t go to the gym for 6 weeks and during the third trimester when I have no energy to go to the gym.

I think that’s what is bothering me about being put on bedrest.

I’m on “modified” bedrest which means I can get up to go pee (which I do a lot), I can make myself something to eat, and I can drive Kaelin to school. I’m not supposed to be doing housework, taking the dog for a walk, or going grocery shopping. I’m now sedentary — doing only what I need to for basic survival. In addition to not burning my normal three to four hundred calories at the gym, I’m not burning the 100 calories by vacuuming the house or the 50 calories by doing laundry. Those little activities add up. I’m very interested to see how my weigh-in goes this week, since I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster since this weekend and living off of chocolate, pasta, and fast food.

Plus, daytime TV really sucks and the weather is perfect outside to take the dog for a walk.

24 Weeks

I think there is something about pregnancy that saps the creative energy from you. That, or maybe it’s just all the energy going into baby names and nursery themes. Either way, my blogging ability has significantly declined in the past few months. I have topic after topic I want to talk about, but when I sit down at the computer, every thought goes out of my head.

I’m 24 weeks now. Yay for viability! That means if something bad happens and I go into labor, there is about a 50% chance that the baby will make it. Granted, those aren’t great odds, but over the next few weeks, the survival chance will jump up to 90% and after 34 weeks, the chances are the same as a full-term baby. Of course, I don’t plan on going into labor early, but it’s nice to know. Twenty-four weeks is also supposed to be the best time during pregnancy. You are showing, but you aren’t so big that you can’t see your feet. You still have energy, the baby is active, and you aren’t swollen yet.

Supposed to be, anyways. I’m peeing every 20 minutes, I’m very achy, and I can’t sleep. I feel like I’ve been hit in the crotch with a bowling ball. Repeatedly. I don’t understand it, but I can workout for an hour at the gym with no problems, but I can’t walk around the grocery store without getting winded. I’m also getting overwhelmed with the basic parenting stuff. Since my baby shower isn’t until next month, we have very little set up for the baby. In fact, the nursery is still full of our office furniture.

It’s funny that this is baby #2 because I don’t remember having these feelings when I was pregnant with Kaelin.  Anyways, I had my 24 week weigh-in and I haven’t quite hit that 20 lb mark yet. I’m at 19 lbs, but if I keep gaining at about a pound a week, I’ll be around 35 lbs when I deliver. It’s a little high for what I wanted at the start of my pregnancy, but still within reason.

I'm Not 20 Anymore

Last night, we went into downtown Charleston for dinner. Charleston is full of two types of people, tourists and college students. The University of Charleston is spread throughout the city and it seemed like the student body was out in full force last night.

Between getting my bachelors and then grad school, I have spent most of my adult life in college. But I’m not a “college kid” anymore. Now that I’m approaching my thirties, I realize that I will never be the thin, tan girl walking around town in booty shorts with sorority letters on the butt. Not that I think it’s a good look on someone who hasn’t had kids and is still cellulite free let alone someone in their forth decade of life, but I wish I still had that option.

I NEVER dressed like that. In high school, I never thought once about my weight or my size. I was really comfortable with myself, but my school had a pretty strict dress code excluding short shorts and tank tops. Although I lived on the water, I rarely swam and don’t remember owning a bathing suit, let alone a bikini. I’ve always been a jeans and flannel (shut up, grunge was in then) kind of girl.

When I started college, I was a mom who had gained 87 lbs. I was 21, but I definitely had no desire to walk around campus showcasing the goods. I lost most of the weight and was at a much healthier 125, but I still felt fat. Well, not fat. More like not fit. I was thin again, but this time I had stretch marks and cellulite. I was a size 4, but I kept telling myself that after I lost a few inches I would feel better. THEN, I would wear those shorts. I even bought a pair of skimpy red shorts that said KANSAS in blue letters, of course with the intent of drawing everyone’s eyes to my butt. I never took the tag off. No matter how small I was, I was never comfortable enough to wear them, even around the house.

And I regret that.

There is a very limited time in life that someone can get away with showing that much skin, and your 30s aren’t it. I feel terrible saying this, but every time I go into Wal-Mart, I see older women dressing like preteens and it makes me want to run off and call Stacy and Clinton. I’m not quite ready to embrace my age, but I will NEVER go out in public dressed the same as my daughter. I mean, Pamela Anderson still has a great body, but really, who wants to see every inch of it now? So even once I have this baby and get back down to my goal weight, I won’t be wearing those shorts I have been saving for almost 10 years. At least, not in public. (Skinny jeans are the new booty shorts anyways.)

But if I could, I would go back in time and shake my 21 year old self and make her wear those shorts… at least once.

Weekly Weigh-In

I must admit, I’ve been terrified to step on the scale lately. My last weigh-in was 3 weeks ago, and since then my diet has taken a turn for the worse. I had been craving fruit and yogurt. Now, it’s Pringles and cake decorations. I’ve eaten out in the past few weeks more than I have in the past few months. I’ve stopped at the commissary almost everyday to pick up cheesecake, donuts, ice cream, chocolate, pepperoni, and candy. I’ve still been going to the gym, but I haven’t been tracking my food. I would like to think all of this is pregnancy related, but honestly, it’s not really that different from how I was eating two years ago sans bun in the oven.

Ideally, I wanted to gain 21 lbs. I would be okay with gaining 34. Thirty-four pounds would put me back to the 200 mark, and I’m really not okay with going over 200, even while pregnant.

I sucked it up and stepped on the scale after a 3 week hiatus… 183. Ouch. It’s not as bad as I expected, but that’s not saying much since I thought it would be more of a 10 lb gain. Four pounds in 3 weeks isn’t unreasonable for a pregnant woman in her second trimester, but that leaves me with only 4 lbs left for another 19 weeks. Not going to happen. My second and third trimester weight gain goals are about half a pound a week. Even if I was able to stick to that, I would need to gain another 10 lbs. Which again, I’m okay with… the problem is…

Pregnant bodies are dumb. Apparently, growing a fetus means that the whole calories in, calories out thing doesn’t apply anymore. There were weeks where my diet was PERFECT. Dairy, fruits, veggies, water. My calories were spot on. Then I would step on the scale and gain 5 lbs. Weeks when I was living on McDonalds, not getting enough water, and craving sweets I would actually lose. So it’s really hard to convince myself that my weight will be fine as long as I eat healthy. I could do everything “right” and still wind up gaining 50 lbs with this pregnancy.

Don’t get me wrong; I would never diet while I was pregnant. My first concern is that the baby gets what she needs and grows. It’s just hard to block out the weight loss mentality when you’ve been so concerned about a number on the scale for the better part of a decade.

Previous weight: 179.2 lbs (18 weeks pregnant)
Current weight: 183.0 lbs (21 weeks pregnant)
Change: +3.8 lbs
Total pregnancy gain: 17.4 lbs